When my elder sister got married 2 years ago, she dug up some letters that I wrote to her when I was in Primary School. We ended up laughing over how my signature changes according to the books I was reading at that particular point in my life. Some of them include Georgina from Enid Blyton’s Famous Five (I love her stubborn nature, her guts and how she is often misunderstood because of her hot temper), Elizabeth Wakefield from Sweet Valley (the sensible girl), Kristy from The Baby-sitters’ Club (who inspired me to start my own clubs in school and boss my friends around), Mary-Kate from The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley (who wouldn’t like the cooler twin?), etc. I searched for an identity of my own through the books that I read, often experimenting with different types of behavior, much to the chagrin of my family members. I imitated the actions of these characters, tried running away from home (in search for a deserted island or a gigantic hollow tree trunk) only to return home hungry and sorely disappointed. I yearned for adventures like those in Duncan Watt’s novels. I wanted to be a boy. I wanted items in my room to come alive. I wanted to be a detective (like Fatty in The Five Find-outters), a vet, a spy (like Harriet the Spy), a journalist, etc.
I remember crying for days and nights when my kitten died because according to The Animal Rescue Squad book series, injured animals always get well before the books end. I believed wholeheartedly in happy endings of narratives, never questioning (or perhaps never wanting to question) the possibility of imperfection and failure. Through reading, I developed a strong sense of justice and idealism in my childhood that haunts me till this day. Needless to say, Susan Hill’s I’m The King of the Castle caused me to be extremely troubled and disturbed.
In my teenage years, I became a lot more interested in a factual (or so I thought) understanding the world. Auto-biographies such as The Diary of Anne Frank and Fallen Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah allowed me to catch a glimpse of history and the culture of other societies. I read encyclopedias and non-fiction texts on Greek Mythology and other ancient civilizations because I was curious about the world. My obsession with mystery novels continued as I discovered Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie.
Junior College was a wonderful time for me because I was exposed to multi-dimensional drama, prose and poetry and given the skills to unravel these texts. Literature challenged me to think further and deeper about the world around me, about human relationships and about what I really believe in. I began to be less naïve and gained more insight about the world through King Lear by Shakespeare, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and the poetry of George Herbert (one of my favourites) and Ted Hughes. I enjoyed metaphysical wit and began to see the beauty and complexity of poetry.
In University, I grew to love the cumbersome British Literature texts set in the 17th, 18th and 19th century. I began to read the classics and started to understand the past in relation to the future, albeit in a rather one-sided fashion as I chose my modules in a way that I would cover more of British texts. However, I also enjoyed classic American Literature such as Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, texts that have been largely influenced by the Cold War, drama (I wished that there were more collaborations between the Theatre Studies department and the Literature department) and finally dystopian and science fiction literature.
Texts such as “Disneyland with a Death Penalty” and texts by architect Rem Koolhaus helped me relate the Singapore society with dystopian societies. One the one hand, I was disturbed by the striking similarities, on the other hand, I was very amused. I have learnt to let go of some of that idealism and learnt to laugh at the world and at these writers’ creative representations of the society they visit or live in. Literature taught me both to form an opinion on certain matters, yet at the same time be able to know the limits of individual strength in creating change and revolution. I have become less one-dimensional in the way I think and learnt to embrace different perspectives of issues. Many times, it is only through friendly banters in Literature tutorials that I gained insight to other perspectives.
Reading causes me to see the world in a different light. How can I ever look at Ion Orchard the same way again after being exposed to Marxist theories? Yet at the same time reading challenges me to find a balance between being an absolute cynic and seeing the beauty in things. Books have caused me great discomfort as I grew to be able to read beyond the superficial. I have to admit that sometimes I will turn to The Faraway Tree series and Malory Towers (with its midnight snacks) for some childish comfort, but I will never regret having read those books that I did.
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